I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
