i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
