Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
