Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
