If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
