These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
