please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
