The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
