there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You took a bar mat shot.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We just shotgunned beers for America
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
