I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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