For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
