I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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