I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
