My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Randomize
