My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
