Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
