I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
