he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
