Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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