i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
