apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
