Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
