I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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