My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
