my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
