I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
