I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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