We're like a lot better than the average bears
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
