I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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