There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
