I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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