Im at strip club and am horny
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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