he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
