Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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