Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
