mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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