Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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