I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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