Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
