Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I faked an abortion last night.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
