Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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