My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
3 2 1 whiskey
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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