coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
