On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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