I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
