I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
