nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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