Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
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