I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
