I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
