It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
