After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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