i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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