its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
