what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
